Practicing Acceptance and Letting go of Control...

April 4, 2011


This week's topic is about something that, to some extent, we all do: we try to control everything in our lives.

We often want to be in control of a situation or a person because it gives us a sense of security and power. Unfortunately, this attitude will also give us a lot of frustration, disappointments, anger, resentments, etc. Let alone the fact that we can't possibly control everything around us, this is just an illusion.

If you really want a particular outcome in your life, whatever it is, you should do everything you need to do towards that outcome, and then, stop thinking about it, stop speculating about how and when it will happen, or if it will indeed happen. You need to let it go and relax, because the outcome is not on your hands.

As I mentioned in one of my past newsletters: Better vs. Bitter, we have no control over anything except from our own actions, so, it is important to take action towards our goals, but once you have done so, you have to let go, you have to detach from the outcome and trust that it will manifest, if and when the timing is right. If it doesn't, it may be because there is something better waiting for you, something that you may have not even thought of.

As for our attitude towards other people and our wish to control them, think about the times we find ourselves trying to convince our friend that they are making the wrong decision, or trying to persuade our partner to stop smoking, or arguing with our neighbor about their political views. Whatever the situation, we are often trying to convince someone of something, and control his or her actions or thoughts that way.

It is not our job to convince people of anything no matter how strongly we feel about it.

Giving your honest opinion is important, but ideally you should have NO expectations about the outcome, and again, detach from it, accept people as they are and hope for the best.

You cannot change people, and yes, they CAN change, but in their own time and path, only if and when they are ready. You can't make them change, no matter how much you love them or they love you.

The key is to try and accept things and people as they are. More often than not, we can't change them, so it is wise to accept them, this is not easy but it is definitely worth the effort, as it will give us a lot of inner peace to do so.

Last week I mentioned a great book called: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle in his book, the author has a wonderful excerpt on acceptance, that I would like to share with you:

"See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought about a situation you find yourself in.  What other people say or do, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather.  See if you can catch yourself complaining.  For to complain is always non-acceptance of what is and it invariably carries an unconscious negative charge."

If you are in a situation that is far from where you want to be, complaining only makes you into a victim and it does not help much. In these cases you have three choises:

  • You change the situation (only if it is possible to do so!)
  • You leave the situation, or
  • You accept the situation and live in harmony!

Another cool quote on this topic:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" by Reinhold Niebuhr.

Acceptance is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of wisdom and therefore, strenght.

Live true to yourself, but avoid being a victim by always complaining about your life, instead, take action, do your best and believe that the best will come to you in its due time! And let go of control, it might be scary at first, but it becomes liberating, it will give you a true sense of freedom and peace.

Have a wonderful week!

  • Explore this set of 3-Videos from Mary Morrissey Dream Building Series, they are free to watch and very inspiring! Watch now!

  • Starting April 11, 2011. Don't miss the Spring 21-Day Meditation Challenge, offered by the Chopra Center, it is free and a wonderful experience!
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