Forgiving is Freedom and Power

September 6, 2011

Why do we need to forgive?


Forgiving is a gift we give ourselves, it gives us freedom from negative emotions and power to move on with our lives!

When somebody or something has caused us pain, we can be overwhelmed by anger, frustration and sadness and as time goes by, we can get stuck in a cycle of blame. The more we ruminate about what caused us pain, the more we let our negative emotions control our life, and by doing so, we lessen our quality of life.

To get to the point where we can really forgive and not be hurt anymore, we need to recognize our own power to change our feelings, expectations, and behavior.

Forgiveness is not about who caused the pain and why, forgiveness is about our own self, it is about breaking the negative cycle and regaining power over our life. About becoming a hero, not a victim.

Even though our feelings need to be validated and recognized, we can't always depend on other people to validate them, if we receive an apology or a compensation, great!, but even if we don't, it is possible to move on and to let go of the pain by forgiving.

We can make choices about how we want to live our lives, and by making the right choices, we can be free of grudges and unhealthy anger. Forgiving is about how we choose to deal with the anger and pain that someone or something has caused: we can let it ruin our lives or we can move on and thrive.

It is important to remember a couple things:

  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation does not necessarily mean the same, we can forgive, regardless of whether or not we can recover a relationship that has been damaged.

  • Forgiveness is not about absolving wrongdoing, but rather about stopping the waste of energy that goes into it.

We have a choice to forgive or not forgive, we can determine what road we want to walk. There are a few things that can help us in this path:

First, we have to accept that people are fallible and so are their perceptions, opinions, and actions. People don't always intend to hurt us, sometimes people are incapable of behaving the way we want because of their own limitations; by accepting this fact, we can start by not taking things so personally.

If you find that you are constantly having negative feelings about something that happened in the past, try to clean up your mind every time it happens, by diverting your thoughts: going for a walk, listening to music, exercising, meditating, etc. whatever can quiet your mind will help, and you need to do it as soon as you start noticing negative thoughts.

Think about the ill effects of harboring resentment: you are probably missing good things that are happening in your life right now, you may feel unhappy and bitter, or your health may be faltering... Wouldn't you rather let go of resentment for good?

If your pain is so strong that you can't possibly forgive, don't be afraid to seek help, professional help, to find a way out of the pain, you deserve better!

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart...
forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits."
Hannah More

Have a great week!

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