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Assumptions and Expectations

April 30th, 2012

Blog Format

Over the years, I have realized that making assumptions about what other people are or think, or having expectations about what other people should do, will most of the time set me up for frustration and disappointment, so little by little I have made the effort to let go of it, and I find it rewarding in many aspects. I allow other people to surprise me by always giving them the benefit of the doubt, and I never allow myself to judge them, because nobody knows anybody else's "whole story."

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Making Assumptions:
According to the dictionary, an assumption is "something we believe to be true."
Although we might be right some times, more often than not, we don't really know the whole story and therefore we should avoid making assumptions. I find that often assumptions can hinder our capacity to go forward and can easily serve as an "excuse" for procrastinating.

So what I mean by this is that many people miss opportunities because they fail to give other people a chance. For instance, we may make assumptions such as:

  • They are too busy to talk to me
  • They probably won't like my idea
  • They probably won't know the answer
  • They don't even know me! why would they help me
  • They don't like me anyway
  • And the list can go on and on...

Have you ever made these kind of assumptions? I certainly have!
There are a lot of things that come into play when we make these assumptions (or excuses), we may be afraid or too proud of exposing ourselves, we believe we are unworthy, we don't want to disturb others or bother them, etc...

But whatever the reason and the conditioning behind this "assuming tendency" (our education, our childhood, past experiences, etc), the problem is that by doing this, we are not giving ourselves a chance and we are not giving others the chance to show us who they really are.

This reminds me of the story about this young fellow that asked every single girl he liked out, his friends thought he was crazy. However, he told his friends that he always preferred to ask than not to, because at least he KNEW the answer right away and he would not waste time wondering "what if.", on the other hand, he was surprised more than once at girls that said yes, against all odds.

On the other hand, sometimes help, ideas, answers, etc, may come from the most unlikely places and the most unexpected people but if we don't give them a chance we may forever miss a great insight, an important message, an opportunity, etc. This is when being in touch with our intuition helps, because its guidance bypasses our judgments and analysis...

Having Expectations:
An expectation according to the dictionary is: "a strong belief that something will happen or be the case." Having expectations about other people or about circumstances is very similar to making assumptions, in fact, when we have expectations we are assuming things should be a certain way or people should act a certain way and this can often set us up for big disappointments, some examples here below:

  • They should know better
  • They can't do this to me!
  • They should know how I feel, it is obvious!
  • I can't believe they did that! It is outrageous!
  • And the list can continue...

The truth is, we never know how things are going to turn out, even if we think we have everything under control. We are not in other people's heads, no matter how much we know them (or think we do), we are NOT in control of what their reactions will be at a given time and therefore we should never expect them to be or react a certain way.

Note that we can make false assumptions or have false expectations just about anything, it doesn't only apply to people, it can apply to circumstances, events, etc.

To me, the key is to have fresh new eyes in the world, not assume anything and not expect anything, that way we allow ourselves to be often pleasantly surprised and avoid being disappointed.

This goes along with the concept of letting go, of surrendering control of external events or people, the more we let go of control and open up our hearts to whatever comes our way, the more we tune into the present moment, and the more we can act on truth as opposed to on our own fantasies.

Have a great week!

Announcements:

* The Tapping Summit 2012 starts May 7th - 16th FREE. I highly recommend this event, it will change the way you live your life and will give you a powerfull tool that can improve many aspects of your life!

* Awakening Your Feminine Power is back on May 6th! FREE.

* Watch Deepak Chopra Mastering the Art of Gratitude April 30th

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