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Every word matters!

August 20th, 2012

Blog Format

In our rush to react, to defend ourselves, to prove someone wrong, we may say things that are not conducive to anything good. It is therefore important, as my mom always says, to stop and turn our tongue 7 times inside our mouth before we speak.

orangeflower

A few months ago I shared a quote in Facebook that I would like to copy here, I am not sure who is the author, but I really like it:

Before you speak, THINK!

T - Is it True
H - Is it Helpful?
I - Is it Inspiring?
N - Is it Necessary?
K - Is it Kind?

So basically, we need to think about the value of what we say, if we don't know it is true for sure, if it won't help anybody, if it won't inspire anyone, if it is not necessary, nor kind, why would we say it at all...?

The problem is, we are often overtaken by emotional reactions and that is when we are not able to really control what we say, or we think we do and we don't care about the consequences. But a word that has been said cannot be taken back. This is especially true when talking to young children or teens, as they are highly vulnerable to what other people say to them, more so if it is coming from people they love or look up to.

I read a very cool piece about a teacher who had her students do an exercise to make them realize the effects of bulling. She had them all crumple a piece of paper in their hands as hard as they could, then she had them open it up again and try to make it flat, then they had to write an apology to the paper, saying how sorry they were to have crumpled it so much.
At the end of the exercise she made them realize that none of the papers were back to their original flat and smooth state, and she told them that is what happens with bulling, the harsh words and actions we use, can break a person and leave deep scars in them for life, no matter how hard we try to fix them and make it right again, no matter how much we apologize, they may never go away.

As a good friend pointed out to me one day: "A word can make someone shine or wilt." So it is important to reflect on what you say and how you say it, BEFORE you say it! This is of course easier said than done, but as we gain awareness of our inner peace we can more easily stop before the emotional reaction takes over!

That said, I should also point out that the ultimate power of the word falls on the person who receives it. It is our personal responsibility not to let what others say to us or about us define how WE feel.

So, no matter what others say, it is up to us to let those words hurt us or not. This is harder for younger people to do, because they are in the possess or forming their character and they are often not capable of separating their feelings from others opinions, but as we get older it is a great skill to learn and practice.

It is also very hard to predict someone else's reaction to our words, in certain cases, for instance when there is a past buildup of resentment and conflict between two people, even a word of praise may be taken as an insult. In other cases, if we feel strongly about a given issue, any innocent comment, even by a stranger (regarding the issue) can deeply affect us.

Knowing this, however, does not mean we can freely say what we want and not feel responsible for it!. Whenever possible, we should try to use words that are conducive to strengthen relationships, building bridges, ending conflict and showing kindness to others.

Have a great week!

Announcements:

*Hip Mamas, Awesome Kids: Register Free for this online event that will inspire and strengthen you as a mother and find confidence and ease in the great task of raising your kids. Program starts on August 20th

*Silva Life System in the DC area, September 1&2 For more info call Diana at 703-866-4030 or email her at silvamethod@cox.net also, for spanish speakers there is a special conference:"Reencuentra tu Alma" y "Tener Razón o ser Feliz"on Oct. 13th

*Eckhart Tolle is coming Washington! October 4th, 2012, Get your tickets here.

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